Welcome: Why Did I Start This Blog?
My personal journey with my body has been a story riddled with love/hate. As a little girl, I remember feeling intense anxiety every year in grade school when we would get weighed, knowing I would be one of the heaviest kids in my class. I remember comparing my body to the women in magazines (who looked nothing like me), and criticized my young self for not mirroring the same standard.
After being diagnosed with Fairbanks disease young, a rare genetic disorder that causes bone deformities, my insecurities only got worse.
After each corrective surgery, my self-esteem and relationship with body became more intricate. Underneath my smile and childlike rambunctiousness, I internalized being different from the other kids in my class and the stares I'd get because of a pronounced limp. I remember bouts of frustration and embarrassment sitting on the sidelines, unable to do activities with the other kids, like run or walk long distances.
As I blossomed into my own womanhood, my body changed. I became obsessed with my weight, going so far to check my weight hourly and struggle through eating disorders throughout high school and college.
Fast forward to now. My relationship with body is completely different. I am kind to my body--appreciative of all it has withstood over the years. I am in awe of how it heals itself.
Me sharing my story, taking part in Dove's #RealBeauty Campaign, 2017
Even at my heaviest, I love my curves and am gentle and patient with my body in a way I have never been before now. So even though I am not quite the same young girl, I still owe her. I owe her an apology. I owe her a new way of defining beauty and I am taking this opportunity to highlight other women who have struggled with loving themselves--and won.
This blog is for the little girl I once was, and this blog is for you.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.